Top 10 Things I’d Do If I Were a Jedi…

By Capt. James T. Geek

10. Chug a Colt 45 with Lando Calrissian.

9. Party with Queen Amidala and her clone handmaidens.

8. Clothe myself in the soft, luxuriant fur of an Ewok.

7. Trade in my Whiffle ball bat for a real lightsaber.

6. Finally slash my lightsaber through the air without making that whoosh-whoosh sound with my mouth.

5. Use the Force to lose the 10 pounds I gained over the holidays.

4. Join the Dark Side for the weekend! Then vow never to do it again.

3. Choke my boss…with my mind.

2. Hunt down Jar Jar Binks, run lightsaber through his heart, mount head in den.

1. Play Jedi mind games with Jessica Alba.