The eleven things I learned from growing up in the 80s.

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It was a great decade, and I loved it. I learned a few things while I was trapped in it, and this is what they were.

  1. If I but grow my hair out long and frizzy, and wear an assortment of extremely tight leather pants and overcoats, hot chicks will dance on the hood of my car without even being asked.
  2. Despite my previous estimate of 16.5, it actually only takes three licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
  3. There is a race of super intelligent talking Owls living among us.
  4. Lawn Darts could kill you.
  5. A man needs nothing more than a bearskin thong and a sword to be shown fabulous powers.
  6. The ultimate symbol of good and right in the Universe as we know it is a red and blue 18 wheeled semi-truck.
  7. All you need to do to get out of jail is a toothpick, a blade of grass, and a piece of gum.
  8. A Saturday is just not a Saturday until you are in your jammies, sitting on the couch, eating a bowl of soggy Lucky Charms, and watching the Super Friends at 6am.
  9. No princess is worth saving unless you have to jump on hundreds of turtle shells to do it.
  10. All you need to survive the school day is a 32 ounce Slurpee and a Big Hunk.
  11. The stuff inside of Stretch Armstrong does NOT taste good.

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