My Open Letter to a Spam Sender…

For your enjoyment:

Dear Russian Email Sender,

I just wanted to take a little time and send a heart-felt thanks for you and the message you sent. I received it this morning, nestled in my regular business correspondence.

Despite the fact that I don’t understand or speak a single word of Russian, I was still so compelled by your 3 or 4 paragraphs of text that I went ahead and clicked the link and signed up for whatever it is that you are selling me. I am pretty sure the button I hit was indeed a Submit button, but I have no way of knowing for sure.

I gladly gave my credit card and personal information over what was obviously not a secure server. I just want whatever it is you are selling so damn bad. I have no idea if I put the card number in the proper field, but since there seemed to be no real data validation happening, it looks like it went through anyway.

In closing, I am totally pumped to get my hands on your penis enlargement service, mail order bride, Xanax blowout, spent nukes, or whatever it is you are sending me. Congratulations on the single most effective marketing effort since that kid in Africa that needed an operation so badly.

Best Regards,

Scott Johnson