Jun 10
I need all of your help! Your cheesiest of movies…and why you like them.
- By Scott Johnson on June 10th, 2005Hey guys. Our next regular podcast, coming up this next Tuesday, will deal with crappy B-movies that we all love and why. I want you guys to be a part of this. Either leave a comment about the movie you love and why, favorite moments in crap movies, etc. OR call the BEEF line and tell us! I will play it on the show. 206.350.BEEF.
We are looking forward to some of the crappy stuff you love, so bring it!
Robo Vampire. I guess it’s more of a C movie, since they had little to no budget and had no-name actors, though rumor has it they blew most of the budget getting Porkin from Star Wars for one or two scenes.
I love the horrible special effects in this movies. The vampires hop and have sparklers in their sleeves for magic, and fire bottle rockets from their sleeves as well. The robot is a guy in tin foil and silver oven mitts, and when he’s built (Delivered with the best lines in the movie, from what’s supposed to be two government officials. ‘I would like to use his body to create a cyborg robot.’ ‘Is your experiment guranteed success?’ ‘Mm hmm.’ ‘I approve.’), he’s welded with a sparkler.
The stunts are blatantly obvious. In one scene, the heroine (whom is never seen again) dives out of a window, and in the next scene, the stunt man is obvious, because he has a different color wig and a beard.
I’d reccomend this movie to ANYONE who loves cheesy movies.
This is EXACTLY what I was looking for. Perfect…that will surely make it in the show.
Red Sonja. Perfect movie for the MST3K treatment, but the moment that will always stick out in my mind is the scene where the heroes are scaling the villain’s tower and a pair of tassels on Brigitte Nielsen’s costume can plainly be seen hanging straight out, toward the tower wall.
PREDATOR!
It’s so awesome but oh so lame
“Hey! You’re Bleeding”
*Macho Voice*
“I don’t got time to bleed!”
I Come In Peace. Two space aliens land on Earth, one a drug dealer who uses a hidden weapon in his arm to stab people’s brains and withdraw the fluid, which is their narcotic, and the cop chasing him. Dolph Lundgren plays the Earth cop who runs into all of this and has the classic response to the bad alien’s “I Come In Peace” line: “And you go in pieces asshole.”
Its so bad, but it has some awesome action, the guns the aliens have are pretty kickass, and its a top notch Dolph movie, for what that’s worth.
Plan 9 from Outer Space is the worst B-movie ever made. The following web site depicts 73 errors found in the movie: http://www.angelfire.com/il/dauber/PLAN-9.html
Don’t take my word for it, watch it and see for yourself.
hahaha i come in peace. I loved that movie. Mine would have to be the toxic avenger movies. So amazingly violent and with a great theme and heart. There were 4 made but only 1 and 4 were any good and the director knew it. I highly recommend people check them out as they are a lot of fun to watch on a night that you’re bored.
Oh i guess i should mention that toxic avenger does a really great job of making EVIL villains. We’re talking people so EVIL that any amount of violence done to them is seen as too nice. Its the classic nerd gets back at everyone that was mean to him and gets the girl story and its all done through the theme of good vs evil. Hehehe fantastic movies.
I have two that I would like to submit.
The first is R.O.T.O.R. (Robotic Officer Tactical Operation Research). It is a horrible movie about a crime fighting robot that goes rogue and begins killing innocent people. The movie is void of any real special effects, although I do distinctively remember a scene showing the “skeleton” of the robot. It seemed as if someone spray painted toothpicks with metallic paint and used very bad stop motion animation to bring it to life. Hurts just thinking about it. I can still see my Dad and I in the video rental store… “Ooh, this looks like a good movie…” he says as he points at R.O.T.O.R.. Famous last words.
The next horrible example of what a movie should be is High Desert Kill. If I am not mistaken, it was a USA original movie. I could be wrong, it has been a long time. Either way it was about a group of friends that go camping in the desert and weird things begin to happen. People disappear, they have hallucinations, etc. It turns out that the group of friends were having their minds read by aliens and the aliens were subjecting them to tests (similar to rats in a lab/maze). Once the remaining friends figured out what was going on, they all began to think and say “10,000 volts” and eventually the alien electrocuted himself. Brilliant. Absolutely horribly brilliant.
ROFL!!!
Predator and Red Sonia were full release A-grade movies in their time.
Damn kids these days
Barry Gordy’s The Last Dragon. Such an amazing movie, just simply having a character called Shonuff is enough.
The Nude Bomb. For those who have never had the privilege of seeing it, it’s a 70s PG movie about an evil man who decides to make a bomb that when it goes off, everyone’s clothes disintegrates. Then when everyone is naked, he is going to come out with material that is not effected by the bomb. The secret agent has to foil the plot, with gadgets such as a desk that he can drive, a shoe that is also a phone, and many other cool dealios. It all ends up with the both of them walking through a cloning machine several times so there are hundreds of each guy fighting. When I first saw it, I thought it was the worst movie I had ever seen, but since then it has taken a special place in my heart.
And don’t forget Strange Brew. That needs no introduction
“O Ninja das Caldas”… or in english “Calda’s Ninja”. It’s a small town here in Portugal. It would be the equivalent of someone making a movie in the US and calling it … i dunno… “Springfield Ninja” or something.
Well… this “movie” was done by some friends with a camcorder, an incredible budget of OVER 10 dollars, and the amazing thing is… it was sooooo bad, they even got the movie aired in one of the portuguese cable channels… AND… and here’s the best part… it’s on DVD! lol
I don’t advise it to any of you of course. It’s awful, and I’m sure it doesn’t have english subtitles.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0391364/
Best scene in the movie? Ninja Shurikens??? baahhh… They have Ninja Chess Pieces! A classic
Oh.. and the battle before the final boss is also very good… The ninja against the 2 robots. But the 2 robots are obviously 2 guys using cardboard boxes as robotic body parts, and they’re not even painted or anything. You could still see the labels! hehehe
Predator a B movie? Come on! That one does not count in the slightest.
I dont know wether it counts or not as it is kind of B+ grade material but mortal kombat annihilation is a great funny film to watch. it was like the first film but with less budget, so in the first 2 secs of the movie they kill off johnny cage(with a random spike out the floor) as they obviously couldnt afford his salary. Later on they got there moneys worth out of the stunt fighters as they made sure that they backflipped everywhere instead of walkin, its kind of like an incredibly silly ballet, and just to stretch out the effects a little longer they did it mostly in slow mo. to top it off tho they had a rubbish dream sequence in a desert where liu kang had to “discover his animality” and sub zero was no longer christopher lambert as that was obviously to rich for their pockets. Saying that tho i would love to be the guy who plays liu he is so perfect for the role, he must wake up every morning look in the mirror and know that he is the kang.
I think the MK movies definately count. In spades.
They Live!
Roddy Piper: I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum
Other great quotes from the movie:
IMDB
I put forward my nomination for ‘Trancers’.
A really bad 80′s sci with bad acting, cheesy one liners, terrible special effects and horrible direction.
But this film has a redeeming feature, and its a big one.
The characters name is ‘Jack DETH’
Fuck yeah, give the main character the surname DETH cos that just fucking rocks in all sorts of ways. Suddenly those one liners are a little easier to swallow knowing they are coming from a person with the most awesome name.
Of course theres also the sequel where he has a wife, so you know what that means dont you. She has his name so it DOUBLE DETH TIME. I dont think you can get much sweeter than that.
Plus the fact that you can get it on DVD for about $4
Dodgeball:
the movie got a lot of bad reviews but i loved it! I felt it was good because it showed how the small guys + their geeky friends beat a overconfident jock in a game ANDDD the geeks win the girl at the end! Thats what matters isnt it?
Oh, they may have tried to sell Red Sonja as an A grade movie, but it very quickly fell to B grade, and very definitely cult classic status. (Kids? Sadly enough, I’m probably older than just about anybody here)
Not sure about the MKs. The first one was at least enjoyable. The second one… much less so. Though both were worlds better than the abomination that was the live action Street Fighter. *shudder*
OMG i forgot about the street fighter movie, you cant get much cheesier than that, thanks for the memo Rex.
However as far as game films go you cant possibly not mention super mario the movie, quite possibly one of the worst films i have ever seen, ever, i would rather watch animals being neutered for 2 hours then subject my retinas to that kind of torture.
LOL!!!
Ya want cheese? How about some of these…
The Guyver 1&2 – LIVE ACTION
The Evil Dead series – Cheesy, but oh so awesome.
Mazes & Monsters – Tom Hanks in his first film role.
The Boogens – Cave squid attack miners. I AM NOT KIDDING!!!
I actually own these and many others… B,C,D movies are like crack to me.
sergeant kabuki-man N.Y.P.D.!
Pure gold, its so absolutely stupid as to make you laugh. His special skills such as deadly chopsticks are so dumb as to make you laugh. The best part is he later shows up in toxic avenger and hes hilarious in that too.
How about B.C. Rock?
“Water, water, everywhere. Go nuts…”
Dagon
Based on an HP lovecraft story. The main character runs from lame mutant infested situation to other lamer mutant situation. All the while claming that it’s a “Binary world” and he only has two choices in doing thing. Run to mutant A or run to mutant B.
I got a third option for the guy, run away from the mutants. Much better than running towards them.
Shakes the Clown – the ultimate beer drinking movie and a classic B movie starring Robin Williams…
Shakes the Clown… I believe was Bobcat Goldwaith, although Robin would have been cool in it too.
Dodgeball? If you say that’s B movie then anything Sandler has ever done would qualify…Those are intent on trying to be camp but never can be. Gotta be something where they tried really hard and failed gloriously.
Yes it was Bobcat Goldwaith who starred in shakes the clown, but Robin Williams was also in it, he appears near the end as the leader of the mimes, Adam Sandler was also in it as one of shakes clown friends.
ROFL!!! Leader of the Mimes.
I dont know if you would class it as a b movie but Commando with Arnold Schwarzenegger is really really awful, cheesy acting, even worse one liners but I love it to bits. Best worst movie ever!
You don’t even have to look back much.
I give you: Catwoman.
Oh crap… we were supposed to love it, huh?
Chill Factor:
“You are NOT taking my truck!”
*Has gun pulled on him.*
“How far you got to go?”
I don’t know why, but I just love disaster movies.
I don’t know if anyone knows this one, or has seen it or mentioned it.
‘Dünyayi kurtaran adam’ which translates to ‘The Man Who Saves the World’ (or its bootleg title ‘Turkish Star Wars’). Now, this was made under pretty extreme circumstances, so the budget was horrendously low and the final product has many a scene ‘borrowed’ from the original star wars movies AS WELL AS the theme music from Raiders of the Lost Ark as the movies theme music.
Other then the very cheesy OBVIOUSLY CARDBOARD sword in the main guys hands for almost the entire film (its…yeah, cut out, obviously) this is the uberness in cheesy films. I must point out though that for all I know this was actually made as a serious movie. But (along with the SW holiday special) is a must see for SW fans
I gotta agree with 6-3-2. My all-time favorite b-movie is “The Last Dragon”. I started in martial arts about the time this movie came out. Man did I ever want to “get the glow”.
The fight scenes are amazing and the hokiness can’t be beat.
Bloodsucking Pharaohs from Pittsburgh.
Troma’s ‘Teenage Catgirls in Heat’ qualifies as my all-time favorite cheesey movie.
http://imdb.com/title/tt0108307/
What more do you need than poor plot, naked actresses, and Troma?
killer clowns from outer space – cotton candy cacoons & killer popcorn
the last dragon – actionee and lame… dumb lines… great movie
teen witch – funny/lame songs
Saw Evil Dead series mentioned here. I only saw the 3rd one Army of Darkness but loved it.
“Shop smart, shop S-Mart”
The show is up!
http://www.myextralife.com/?p=143
Thanks you guys! Lots of great stuff in here I used on the show.